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The Season of Letting Go

samhain

 

Letting go quote ~Herman Hesse

 

Today is Day 3 of the The Celtic's Guide to Samhain Cleaning.

We've been working on the Master Bedroom. Originally I wasn't going to bother too much with my room.....and then I looked at it.

Yesterday I was ecstatic. I uncluttered the corner with all my magic stuff. I cleaned out a few drawers in my nightstand; a Queen Anne style jewelry armoire with the legs removed and painted.

magic chest

I now have a drawer for Seasonal altar decoration, a drawer for incense and a drawer for gemstones.

crystal drawer

Underneath all the clutter, I found the awesome blanket chest we made last summer.

I moved out a rubbermaid tote of clothing (to be mended) and fabric (from projects). I even mended (or tossed) all the clothes in my mending pile!

This morning the atmosphere wasn't so optimistic.

This morning I was having some issues letting go of clothes.

Some things I didn't mind, like  the three pairs of brand new tights - still in the package. I gave those to my daughter because they're size Small. I'm not Small anymore.

And of course, I happily marched my tattered and worn waitressing shoes with the crud embedded into the slip-resistant soles straight to the garbage can and then let out a victory whoop as I slammed down the lid.

But other things kind of stung in a bittersweet kind of way. Such as the white satin nightgown I received as a bridal shower gift when I was 18 and 5 months pregnant.

I never wore it.

Ever.

By the time I lost the pregnancy weight I didn't like or trust my ex-husband. The thin piece of fabric was holding a lot of sadness and anger. All the negative energy has been a dark cloud that I've been moving around for the last 23 years. I'm glad to be letting it go.

 I tossed 3 pairs of jeans that didn't quite fit any more.

Two pairs of flair legged with skinny thighs and I finally tossed my favorite pair of jeans from 15 years ago. Button-fly, tapered leg, petite length from the GAP.

It was the first pair of jeans that I ever owned that actually fit me right because I'm 5'2" and clothing is made for women who are 5'6".

They didn't fit anymore and I'm mostly sad because right now I don't have any jeans.

I don't know why I'm sad, I don't really like jeans. I like leggings and yoga pants and cargo pants and dress pant.

But I'm still sad that I don't have any jeans.

There was also the last pair of platform boots I got rid of because they're about 13 years old and the soles were starting to crumble.

I tried to talk myself out of being sad about it because they were never comfortable. They were a pain in the ass to put on because they laced up; no zipper and they had a big and chucky 3 inch heel which isn't in style anymore.

But Black boots make me feel sexy. I asked the Universe to help me replace them with something equally sexy and a hell of lot more comfortable.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All in all, I tossed 3 garbage-size bags of wearable clothes into the back of the car to drop off at the Salvation Army and one bag of garbage in the bin full of tattered undy's, holey sock, pantyhose with runs and my beloved white t-shirts that are more of a dingy, yellowish grey.

During a break, I told The Renaissance Man that I was sad about this and he began singing "Let it Go" because it was playing in his headphones.

*I love that my husband has 'Let it Go' on his playlist.*

Despite the coincidence, He's right. The lesson is there. It's not just the stuff that I'm letting go of.

It's the emotional baggage attached to the stuff.

This is the time of year when everything lets go. The trees let go of their leaves, the plants let go of their seeds.

All that is in the past must be released. Including the bitterness of my first wedding and the idea that I have to own jeans.

This was the point of the whole challenge.

As I crawled around the bottom of the closet, pulling out boxes and books, I took a few minutes to thumb through my grandma's crochet pattern book.

I felt the sadness of loosing her. I smiled at her hand typed list of afghans that she finished since 1983 - she typed everything on an old fashioned typewriter. I laughed when I noticed her hand written notes on the different patterns.

Mostly I felt gratitude for being gifted these patterns. Those went back in the closet. It's not time to let those go, yet.

But it was time to feel, to allow the emotions to come up, acknowledge them and let them go.

What kind of things are you letting go of this Season?



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