Writing the Wisdom of your Soul Day #5 The Emperor
What are you doing here?
I've come to help.
How could you possibly help?
I have some tools for you...
No! No you don't! you're just here to tell me what I'm doing wrong.
How I'm screwing everything up!
No, dear, I'm here to support you.
You've NEVER supported me!
You just dictated rules that I couldn't follow and shoved me in a box that didn't fit!
You made me feel little and worthless.
I don't need that! I don't need you!
I'm sorry that you see it that way, I was trying to protect you.
Your Protection did more damage than good!
Your Rules made sure I didn't fit in anywhere, that I never belonged.
Your Box crippled me, stunted my growth, your order stifled my creativity.
You made me think I wasn't enough
Because of YOU I was lost and broken for way too long!
But not anymore!
I don't need your protection!
....Yes....I see that....your life was unbalance then.
There was too much of my energy and not enough of the Feminine Duo.
It's why I left you alone for so long, I gave you over to the ladies to heal you.
To balance you.
Oh! so now your my fucking savior? Am I supposed to bow to you?
Am I supposed to be THANKFUL for the scars you inflicted and bask in the glow of you exulted ego?
How Dare you show up now! After I've spent years repairing the damage you inflicted!
How dare you offer to help me when I'm finally doing well on my own!
I HATE YOU!
You have every right to be angry with the past, but I'm not going anywhere.
Damn right I'm angry! I'm livid!
I think of all those years wasted, disconnected,
paralyzed with fear
You did that to me! I was just a child!
I was there. I remember. I didn't know how to comfort you.
My job was to protect you, then.
Well you did a sucky-assed job at it!
What could you possibly offer me now, I sure as hell don't need your 'protection'!
I'll protect myself, thank you!
...hmmph...*chuckle*...yes, you do that well....a little too well, I think.
You're still in a box.... only its one that you made for yourself.
Think about it. You're still afraid of people, you still keep everyone at an arms length.
You're still afraid to step out of your comfort zone, afraid of the attention that success would bring.
Afraid to make a mistake......
There would be no tears in your eyes if I weren't right.
How can you help.
You taught me to live in a box.
It's about balance dear. I promise I will never dominate your life again.
Think about it, all these years you've been healing and growing into yourself with the help of the High Priestess and the Empress.
They are a part of you. I can't take that away.
I don't want to.
I only want to show you how to move the walls of your box, to set flexible boundaries that allow you to grow, share and succeed.
I want to show you how to organize your time, to stay focused on task.
Do you think that would benefit you?
if it doesn't mess with my creativity.
I don't know if I can trust you.
You call the shots, you set the pace.
Do you still hate me?
No. I never really did.
We start tomorrow then?
How about later this afternoon.
I apologize if my language offended anyone. This was a bit more emotional than I expected.
And quite eye-opening, too. (the best writing always is)