~If what you seek you find not within, you will never find it without. - Doreen Valiente
October Writing Challenge ~ Writing the Wisdom of Your Soul
Day #2 The Magician
He always told her, she was being ridiculous. He told her that this idea she had didn't exist. anywhere. That relationships weren't all sunshine and roses. Bitter resentment was the hallmark of a long marriage.
He didn't think there was anything wrong with belittling her in front of people. He was being funny, couldn't she take a joke?
He didn't see anything wrong with being gone every night. He was important. He had things to do, people to see. And No, there wasn't life without sports. That touchy-feel-y girly shit was for pansies. He was a Man.
Of course he loved her. Look at all the things he bought her. He didn't have time for this moody sensitive crap.
Oh, and she obviously needed therapy, she had serious issues with intimacy.
Maybe he was right. Maybe her head was in the clouds, maybe she'd never enjoy sex. But she finally decided that if she couldn't have what she wanted then she didn't want anything at all. She didn't want to end up a bitter old woman. She didn't want to live a lie.
Being on her own was scary, but she wouldn't trade it for the world.
Every morning she woke up was a great day. It was another day of opportunities, another day to be proud of her courage, her success.
Every evening the same and a chance to revel in the idea of what she wanted in a relationships, to sit and imagine what it would feel like to trust someone, to be cherished and valued.
It was a time of Self-discovery.
She marveled at the new world where people didn't know her as 'his wife'. A world where people liked her just as she was, no pretenses, no expectations. She hadn't known she was likable it was a pleasant surprise.
And the attention she received from both men and women! Apparently she was attractive. She never knew.
She found out that she could manage money, very well in fact. Every week she that she paid her bills supported this new belief.
And she realized she had a bad habit of putting men on pedestals.
This was a problem, no one could ever live up to her ideals, and no man was ever going to be able to save her.
She cursed the Princess complex that she somehow acquired.
She wrote it down in detail, burned it and buried the ashes.
No More Ever Again.
She would save herself.
It was a time of Energetic Healing. At night she'd experience chills or a cold sweat. Her deodorant stopped working. She couldn't drink coffee.
She'd wake in a panic but soothed herself, silently willing her Chakras to dilate and let the emotions pass through, sometimes she'd cry.
She knew both goosebumps and tears were therapeutic
On these nights she'd tell her self that these were just labor pains, she was birthing a new life, her body knew what to do she just needed to relax and ride the waves.
It was a time of release. She shed a lot of emotional baggage and a lot of weight in those first few months.
She lost a lot of people, too. It wasn't a bad thing. It made room for her to experience the emotions that she wanted to feel - happiness, joy, contentment.
It gave her the time to decide who she wanted in her life.
She was surprised to find herself incredibly discerning. She became more aware of other peoples energy.
She saw through their masks at what they were trying to hide and all the defenses they held up to protect themselves.
She fell in love with people everyday because they were so beautifully broken and human. But she chose to love them from a distance.
She fell in love with herself for the same reason and chose to love herself up close and personal.
For the first time in her life.
As much as she loved this alone time and all the clarity and self-discovery, she was lonely. She just wanted a friend, someone to have dinner with, watch movies with, discuss interesting ideas. Someone who could make her laugh.
After all those years of misery, she just wanted to laugh. She still wasn't sure about sex so she didn't put that on her list.
Yet, every now and then she would sink into that beautiful fantasy of how life would be with that perfect partner. She'd revel in the feeling of being connected, understood, safe, loved and full of joy.
One night she sat in a lawn chair, wrapped in a blanket, basking in the glow of her beloved Mother Moon and allowing those desired emotions to move through her. No thoughts, just feelings.
Her cell phone rang.
It was a co-worker, one of the few new people in her life, whose company she actually enjoyed. He was bored, just driving around. So she invited him over. It felt right.
She soon discovered that it was right, it was everything she'd ever imagined and more, even the sex.
He stayed that night, and the next and he never left.
No, it hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but there has always been a level of respect that didn't exist in her other relationships and laughter.
Lots of laughter.
And she created this, she manifested this loving relationship that deep in her heart she knew had to exist.
This is the Magician's Gift, the tools we need to create the life we need.
We have the Power.
- Air - Athame or Sword- our ideas, intellect, thoughts and dreams, Our personal truth unveiled.
- Fire - Wand - our passion, courage, confidence, our next bold move inspired by the discovery of our newly claimed truth.
- Water - Chalice - our emotions, the good bad and ugly, allowing them to flow freely and releasing them
- Earth - Pentacle. - The physical connections, celebrating life, nature and people.